


Earth is Ash, So Why do I Only See You?... Variations on How Keith and Lance See Each Other.

by wutthequiznack (birbsandemidogs04)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Aka they're both dumbasses, Angst, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), First Kiss, Fluff, Gay Keith (Voltron), M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining Keith (Voltron), Pining Lance (Voltron), They're both pining but at different times™
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-31
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-08-11 04:44:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16469006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/birbsandemidogs04/pseuds/wutthequiznack
Summary: Because he just wants to kiss Lance, for Lance to see him like Keith sees him, and Keith knows it'll probably never happen but it feels like he's rubbing it in now.--At first Keith looked at Lance and Lance didn't look back. Then Lance started to look at Keith, and Keith stopped looking back.





	1. Keith.

How long has Keith wanted to kiss Lance? Too long.

He hates the crush aspect of it all -- he doesn't get crushes. Yet somehow he got one on Lance. Well, it had started out that way, back when they were barely teenagers at the Garrison. Keith remembers being the kid who showed off in the sims, and he always ended up nudging Lance with his fighter, whether by accident or on purpose. Okay, he'd had a crush on Lance back then. He recognizes it more now than he had then.

It's not a crush anymore. It's kind of evolved, which Keith sometimes resents. He was never the lovesick kind. He never allowed himself to be the lovesick kind, because in his experience, getting attached to people can only ever end in rejection, separation and heartbreak. It's happened to him with about three different people in his whole life.

Still, he fell for Lance.

And it's not as if Lance is even a good choice for him to fall for. At first Keith can only marvel at his choice, or lack thereof. Okay, Lance is gorgeous. He can say that. He'd be blind not to. Lance has this beautiful, strong jawline and a cute rounded nose, with eyes small enough that you can just see a bit of chocolate brown in his pupils. His skin is mocha brown and his hair is darker. Keith's never really thought much of the quiff thing guys do, but on Lance, it works. Plus, he's tall and gangly. Enough said.

So Lance is gorgeous.

At first that's all Keith had to go on. Sure, they'd "known" each other at the Garrison, but had they really? Keith had never grown close to his peers, partly because he hadn't wanted to, and partly because of his reputation as a show-off who had it out for Iverson and who was Shiro's little protégé. Keith had remained the loner, which had been fine by him.

All he'd had for a while was a surface image.

Keith met Lance again with all the others rescuing Shiro -- at this point, he'd only felt irritated that they were getting in his way. Maybe that's another wall he put up. Looking back, it's ironic how Keith was putting walls up around people who were helping to rescue someone he had tried to put walls up for but which had failed -- plus, the walls he'd put up for Lance hadn't worked long, either.

Lance soon became more than just pretty in Keith's eyes -- in those first few days at the castle, Keith looks at him and really sees him. He's kind, selfless, smart, brave and honestly? Amazing. Keith thinks it might have been the bonding moment that puts all that in perspective for him. Or maybe it was when Lance defended him with the "toy prisoners" spiel against Allura. Or was it during the spore fight?

The thing is, it could have been any one of those moments and it could have been all of them. It doesn't matter, anyway. By the time the bonding moment happens or even _when_ it happens, Keith thinks he's definitely screwed.

And he _knows_ he's screwed afterwards when Lance denies it ever happened, and proceeds to flirt with every female alien in the history of the world. It gets old really fast. In fact, it gets old immediately after Lance wakes from cryosleep and goes straight back to flirting with Allura. Keith feels such aversion in his gut that he's spitting out, " _Classic_ ," without even thinking. He kind of means it. Scratch that. He definitely means it, and he's already sick of it.

Because he just wants to kiss Lance, for Lance to see him like he sees Lance, and Keith knows it'll probably never happen but it feels like he's rubbing it in now.

The stupid rivalry that Lance has invented sort of fades away, and Keith's glad for it. It's some kind of toxic masculinity thing -- like, "Yeah, I gotta fight with every other male and flirt with every female,", like he's either the biggest loser in the universe or just scared for whatever reason. Keith doesn't want to let himself hope it's the latter.

Anyway, they get as close as you can get being "dude-bros", and then --

Shiro disappears.

Something in Keith's gut hadn't been surprised when he found that the cockpit of the Black Lion was empty. Really, some negative part of him had always told him, "Just wait awhile. It's only a matter of time before he leaves again."

Because of this voice and this feeling, Keith desparately tries to find the one of the only people he's ever considered family, and his crush on Lance is sort of on the backburner for awhile.

He's surprised how much Lance does to reassure him after Allura makes the suggestion that Keith take over as leader of Voltron. It makes him fall a little bit deeper in love, and soon, Keith's sinking into the new role. It's hard at first, but with Lance in the Red Lion it's a little bit easier.

Shiro comes back and stuff happens -- Keith isn't around long enough to really notice anything very off about him, but he does feel that something's amiss about him now.

That all takes a backseat now as his heritage comes to the forefront, and then Lance comes into his room and propels himself into Keith's mind like a bullet in addition to everything else.

Keith sucks at words. Truly, he does. He's no Casanova and he's no psychologist -- he's always been more of a man of actions. None of that was a problem until he ruins his chance to reassure Lance.

Lance thinks he should leave -- Keith's never seen him so vulnerable. It almost makes him want to cry. How could a guy so confident and brave shrink in on himself so quickly?

He makes up his mind on what to do in a single night.

The way he sees it, there are several reasons why he should do what he plans to do. Lance is simply one of them. But if he drew a pie chart illustrating the different impacts of each reason, Lance's section would be the biggest.

Leaving hurts, but it could never hurt more than letting Lance feel like he's nothing, like he's not worth staying. Keith sucks at love, too, but he would never let someone he loves feel like they're not worth it. It would kill him inside.

Leaving is like a happy medium -- it's an action but still reads in a way that will hopefully tell Lance he's worth everything.

He stays away from the team with the Blades for awhile and his mind rests. It's finally too distracted with things that Lance doesn't occur as frequently anymore.

Krolia shows up, and it's weird having a mom. He feels odd, and he knows she feels odd too. He feels like he has to work his way up to calling her "mom", like some part of him wants to let go now, because she's finally here, but it's just all too weird. One thing he notices is that she's a lot like him, and he's surprised it had taken him so long to figure out who she was. Then again, Dad never had any pictures of her out, so what was he to know?

The space whales and that two years in space-time is sort of an excuse to get to know her a little bit, for her to get to know him a little.

As they're on the space whales awhile, they see a lot of stuff - flashbacks and flashforwards and things. It's all well and good until they start to show the future.

Keith doesn't know what he expects, really. When Krolia said they'd probably be seeing into the future soon, he hadn't thought much. He certainly didn't think he'd see Lance.

But he does.

And Lance is with Allura.

And they look like they're about to --

Keith looks away so fast Krolia notices.

"Keith, are you alright?"

"Is it over?" Keith asks. His voice is choppy. This was bound to happen. Why wouldn't Lance go for Allura?

"Yes. It's over." Krolia replies, and Keith glares at his feet before abruptly getting up, picking a stick up off the ground and whistling to the dog.

It's better to just block it all out of his mind.

\--

Keith hates that he still loves Lance. It's so stupid, he should be over it already. Obviously Lance and Allura are gonna be a thing. So that gives Keith his answer.

In a juvenile sort of way, there's a moment of dread in his stomach before the castleship pages him going back, before he convinces himself he's a leader and besides, Romelle's situation is way more important than some stupid teenage unrequited love thing.

If he just looks at Lance for even a second, he doesn't know what will happen.

If he actually let himself do it, he'd see Lance's jaw drop.

Later when he calls back and sees Lance and Allura alone together on the deck, lingering in each other's embrace, he feels nauseous.

When he finally gets down there, Lance's comment about him being "grizzled" (or _whatever_ ), goes completely over his head, because he's not listening.  
But if he had listened, if he'd heard and hadn't pushed Lance out of the way in his haste to not listen and look like he's going to find Lotor, that Lotor is the first priority, because he is, then he would've lost his breath for a few seconds.

He and the others get swept up in the crisis with Lotor and especially Shiro going berserk, so needless to say, Keith doesn't really think about Lance until they're going back to Earth. The banter returns, light and airy, the difference being that now Keith's walls are up. He notices his mother not calling either Allura or Lance by name, which is something he's somewhat glad for. It's petty, but it boosts her in his eyes.

He still loves Lance, though. When they're trapped in Bob's stupid game show the first thing he thinks about is whether Lance is alright, and honestly he doesn't care what happens to him as long as Lance is okay.

He hates this so much, it's not even funny.

At the same time, he finds himself more annoyed than ever with Lance -- all his wrong guesses and wrong answers and hesitations put him on edge and his right answers make him slump over with relief. It's like a roller coaster -- it makes Keith wonder if this is what it's really like to be in love.

And then the reason he's angriest at Bob is because of the way he treats Lance, the way he calls him "dumb" and a moron and things that blatantly aren't true.

On top of this, as soon as Bob tells them they can pick one person to get out alive, he thinks of and writes Lance's name, mouthing it as if he can't believe Lance is the only one he thought of.

Why couldn't he have chosen Hunk, or Pidge? Either one of them would make sense. They're friends, plus PIdge has the best chance of restoring the castleship and Hunk loves his family just as much as Lance loves his. Even Allura would make sense. She's a freaking princess. But Lance?

It makes him feel like an even bigger sap to realize he's picking Lance primarily out of love.

Later he's about to throw himself into going after Acxa, but Lance stops him, which is the worst possible thing he could do. Keith almost doesn't turn around, but when he does he gives Lance his full attention, pretending for a second they're still good.

"Where are you going?" Lance says, and he looks worried for some stupid reason. Why should he be worrying about Keith? Why should he care?

"Acxa saved our skins," Keith returns. "I'm not leaving her behind."

He puts Lance in charge almost without thinking, and he doesn't think about his choice of Lance above even Shiro or Krolia, because if he did he'd feel like a sucker again.

He's so intent in leaving and fleeing before he lets himself feel, because honestly, Lance could tear down his walls again with a single _look_ , that he misses the way Lance does look at him.

When they're all floating in space without oxygen, it's nice and odd that Lance is always the one to sign off first, and that he's considerate enough to ask if they need to the last time. He's almost a sucker for it.

He says hurtful things when they're space mad, but all he can think to say to Lance, to retort with and wound him and their friendship like he did with Allura and Hunk, it doesn't come out of his mouth. He's holding back and he knows it, even when Lance calls him a lone wolf and tells him to leave. Even then. He can't hate Lance, and it's killing him inside. Sometimes he thinks it would be easier to hate him and not feel this way.

Their subsequent battles in Voltron admittedly worry Keith, but none more than when he's apart from Lance. When he can only rely on comms and to hear his voice and make out what's going on. This happens twice -- once when they're put in the Galra prison and they're separated -- Keith calls Lance's name first without even thinking.

Then Lance and his sister crash in their squadron car, and Keith has no idea what's happened at first. All he knows is that everyone is signing in and everyone's voices are there except for Lance's. "Lance?" he calls, and pauses, his voice straining as he yells, " _Lance, come in!"_

He hates how his heart had leapt into his throat, and how his throat had felt full, too full, like he was on the verge of crying out, some primal, instinctive hurt imbedded in his very nature. Thank God it turned out he's okay.

After the whole near-death experience and them all almost dying, there's a period of time where they can all rest. They're _encouraged_ to rest, is what Shiro says, but Keith knows he gets how hard it is to stay in bed. After the first few days Keith starts to get out of his hospital bed and move around, and though his mind is just as tired as his body, he starts to think about the others -- mainly Lance, because apparently, he hates himself.

Krolia sees how restless he is and suggests going to visit Dad, which he's grateful for. Seeing the grave takes him back to the funeral, when he was only six and on the verge of going into the foster system. Krolia immediately falls to her knees and touches the headstone, fingers lingering over the feel of Keith's dad's name. Kosmo sits obediently nearby and licks at Keith's hand, making Keith smile as a tear he hadn't caught starts to slide down his face.

It's sad, but nice. It's like closure. It is closure. Keith's mind is still for a little while.

Then he turns around and Acxa's standing right there. He nearly takes out his knife.

"What are you doing here?" he demands. He's still wary of her being good, let alone her being here. It's uncomfortable at the very least. And that isn't even mentioning the whole thing about her being in love with him. He'd rather forget that ever happened.

Krolia places a hand on his shoulder from behind, but he knows she's probably got a stable hand on her gun for safe measure. Kosmo is standing now, his fur on edge.

Acxa steps forward slowly. "I'm sorry to intrude, but I have information I think you should know."

Keith's eyes narrow uneasily.

"What is it?" Krolia asks from behind him.

"My mother," Acxa starts, pausing. Keith wants to tell her to get it over with already. "she died after she had me. I was an orphan my whole life."

Keith feels a pang of sympathy in his gut for her at that. Still, what does this matter?  
"Sorry and all, but what does this matter?" he asks.

"Well, I was an orphan, until I met Kolivan." Acxa continues, looking over at Krolia. "I found out that he's my father."

Both Krolia and Keith are rendered silent at this revelation. "What?" Keith demands. "How? And what does that have to do with us?"

"My mother met him before he was a Blade, as per my knowledge, and I came about later. Kolivan never knew. My mother never told him. The secret died with her. But," her eyes flash as she continues, "She did leave a letter for me, and in it she told me that she was Krolia's sister."

Krolia and Keith both pause, and then Keith stares at her. "Is that why you're here? Is that why you're helping us?" he asks, and there's almost no bite in his voice, which surprises him.

Acxa nods. "That's part of it. Mostly I wanted to be good. I've seen the error of my ways. I want to help."

"You look like her," Krolia notes, and for a minute it seems like she's debating whether or not Acxa is telling the truth. Then she exchanges a glance with Keith and looks back at Acxa, and smiles.

"You're my niece," she says.

\--

So Keith has a cousin now. In Acxa. Which would be awkward, except she tells him she never had a crush on him, and that he shouldn't take Ezor and Zethrid's words for it. Also, the look on her face when she sees Veronica, Lance's sister, tells Keith all he needs to know.

"Besides," she later adds, "they were rooting more for you and your tall, brown-haired friend."

Of course, they were.

Keith really hadn't thought about his fingerless gloves since leaving the castleship, but he starts to notice their absence a little bit into his recovery. Though it pains him that his gloves and his fanny pack are both gone, seeing as they were his last real piece of his father, he tells himself to let them go. Saving the universe and stuff should take priority over being salty he forgot his gloves.

He teams up with the others again, in new outfits this time.

"I have to say," Lance says when he emerges in his blue retro outfit, "I like these a lot better than the Garrison uniforms."

He winks when he says it, and of course, he looks good, and of course, Keith blushes like a sucker.

Once everyone is out of the room, Keith remains, not sure why he's straggling. But then Lance comes back into the room with something behind his back.

Keith looks over. "Lance? What's going on?"

He can't help his concern, so he's just going to go with it for now. Wait it out. Maybe that's better than repressing and pushing him away. At least he should make an effort to pretend they're friends.

Lance looks almost flustered as he comes over -- embarrassed? He's kind of red, too. "I, uh, I kept something when the castleship went down."

"Okay, good for you?" Keith says. He's being a jerk and he knows it. Why can't he stop being a jerk?

Lance frowns, balking slightly. "Yeah. Well, the thing I kept wasn't mine, so."

"You stole it?"  
God, what's wrong with him.

"No! I just, well -- here."  
Lance's hand thrusts out, and there's something small and black in it. When he unfurls his fingers, Keith glances over and sees his fingerless gloves.

He looks back up, stunned. "My… gloves? You kept them?"

Lance moves his hand a little so that Keith takes them and starts to slip them on. He smiles when they fit.

"Yeah, well. You weren't going to, and I figured they were important to you, so I swiped them. You're welcome."

Keith's smile lingers, and he doesn't entirely hate it. "Thanks."

"Oh, and --"  
Lance pauses, looking hesitant. "Sorry about what I said to you, when we were space mad. I, uhm, I was just mad."

Keith nods. He kind of gets it. "Space mad," he adds, and Lance nods with a shaky grin.

"Yeah. Space mad."

He leaves then, and the whole thing was the most awkward thing in the world, but Keith wouldn't change it for anything. He feels like himself again. And all it took was a couple of minutes with Lance.

He flexes his fingers and thinks of Lance.

\--

They're all pretty old now -- only, they're in their twenties. The wars are over, and the Earth's in a pretty post-apocalypse state. "It's messy, but we can fix it," Shiro says with a grin, and Keith can't believe he's getting married.

The guy he's marrying is one of those old Garrison teachers, a guy Keith hadn't minded much, but getting to know him as a person and not just a teacher, he's proven his worth. Gradually Keith had warmed up to him and the idea that he'd be marrying his older brother. That childlike vow to protect Shiro is still intact somewhere.

Keith's happy for them. These days the PTSD is a happiness drainer, but truly he does feel happy for Shiro, that he's found love again. Adam's death had taken its toll on him, and Keith too.

David is a pretty good guy, anyway.

They're all at the wedding -- all the paladins, and Coran, Romelle, Krolia, Kolivan, Kosmo, Acxa… he assumes Allura couldn't make it; she's become popular with so many different alien species as Queen of the Alteans. Her statue attended, anyway. So he guesses a part of her was there.

Shiro throws the bouquet and Keith doesn't even try to catch it. He's not even standing anywhere near the line of fire and somehow it lands in his arms. He stares at it for a few seconds before tossing it away to hoots from the others. If he'd looked up, he would've seen who had caught the flowers. Lance.

He hates the tux and just wants to go home and change, so he makes to set off during the reception. He almost doesn't hear Lance call after him.

"Keith!"

Keith turns, dreading having to stop. The love he had for Lance hadn't gone away over time, really, it had only flared up. That might be in part due to the news that Lance is single, for some reason.

"Hey, Lance," he says anyway, ignoring his rapid heart rate.

"Hey," Lance replies, and grins slightly. He looks so good in his tux, it's unlawful. Keith can't deny himself a little once-over. "Uh, where you going?"

Keith crosses his arms. "To my car. I'm going home to go change."

"So soon?" Lance asks. "It's Shiro's wedding!"

"I stayed for the wedding. It's just the reception."  
Really, why does Lance care? It's not like it concerns him at all. "Why do you care anyway?"

Lance seems stunned, and Keith continues walking. "I don't know, maybe I don't care," Lance is saying, and his words are getting tangled in the wind.

Keith keeps going.

He doesn't expect to be pulled backwards by Lance, so far back that he's in his face. Oh, God, he's even taller now.

"What's wrong with you?" Lance is demanding. Keith's never seen him so blatantly angry and it somewhat scares him, but at the same time it angers him and eggs him on.

"What are you talking about?" he snaps back, the angry side winning out. He's craving a fight or a confrontation or something, maybe especially with Lance, he doesn't know.

"This! This whole thing you're doing! That you've been doing! You're pulling away." Lance explodes, and almost pushes Keith away. "You ran away, for Quiznak's sake!"

Keith stares at him. The white of his suit is lost against the backdrop of tired dark sky, but his face is showing through, and he's beautiful. Even now. Even though his hair is unruly and his suit is rumpled and he's breathing hard. Keith's desire to kiss him comes back with a vengeance.

He can't say anything, because Lance is right. But for all the wrong reasons. "Are you talking about when I left for the Blades?" he asks, heaving. Lance nods.

"I…"  
This is going to be hard to get out. "I didn't just leave to get away, that's not why I left."

"Yeah, I know. You wanted to learn about your mom." Lance says.

"That's part of it," Keith goes on. "But mostly I left because you asked me if you should leave."

Lance looks confused. "But why would you want to leave then?"

He's such a dumbass sometimes, it's infuriating. "Because if I left, you couldn't. You wouldn't drop out and stop piloting the Red Lion, and feel even worse off about yourself than when you started." Keith says. "God. I wasn't running away, can't you see that?"

He buries his hands in his hair, looking away. He hates ponytails. They're so restricting. He takes out his hair thing and runs his fingers inside the locks wildly.

"Why would you do that for me?" Lance asks, and his voice is soft.

Keith can't do this anymore. "Because I love you." he says finally, and it feels like something bursts inside him, because his voice cracks and his throat is all choked up. His face is hot. He's majorly embarrassed. "I have, for a while. I'm sorry. I wish I didn't, but I do."

"Then why didn't you do anything sooner?" Lance asks, and Keith's heart drops. 

"What good would it have done me?" he retorts, not looking at Lance. "You were with Allura."

At that, Lance balks so hard that Keith almost laughs. "What? When?" 

Keith wants to tear his hair out. He wants nothing more than to stop reliving that time. Those years of unrequited love. "God, I don't know. When I came back? And so, yes, Lance, that's why I pulled away from you. I didn't want to get close to the guy I liked, because he was with someone else."

Lance is quiet for a few seconds, and Keith almost makes up his mind to leave when Lance stops him. "I was never with her." he tells him. "She was with Lotor, and she needed a friend, so I put aside my crush on her and just focused on the mission." Now Keith feels like a colossal idiot. But Lance's hand is still on Keith's arm. "Did you mean what you said?" he asks, and it's such a stupid question that Keith wants to slap him.

"Why would I tell you if I didn't?" he asks, and his voice is soft too, surprisingly so.

The next moment passes by in a dream sequence because they feel so surreal, like it's happened so many times in Keith's head but now that it's happening for real he can't even function right.

Lance is pulling him in hard and Keith isn't protesting, and he doesn't protest or do anything really, when he feels Lance's lips. They separate from the small kiss with a wet noise, before Keith grabs Lance's waist almost violently and falls into his taste again.

He tastes like everything good and all of Keith's favourites -- somehow he tastes of wood and trees and grass and a roaring fire, and it feels soft and warm but soon their grips on each other are slipping and tightening and Keith's pushing Lance up against a wall, leaving his lips to concentrate on his beautiful, smooth, long neck. It's like everything Keith ever thought, daydreamed, dreamed about, and yet it's nothing like that. He could have never predicted the noises Lance would make, or the way it would happen, or when.

"So does this mean you like me?" Keith can't resist asking him while he's leaving hickies on Lance's neck.

"Keith, man, I love you," he says, breathless.

And it all was worth the wait, all of a sudden. Lance loves him. They're probably going home together.

There are so many questions he could ask, but he'll put them on hold for now.

Right now he just wants to taste every inch of this man he's loved for ten years.

  
\--

 


	2. Lance.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How long has Lance wanted to kiss Keith? Not long.

How long has Lance wanted to kiss Keith? Not very long, actually.

Or maybe it has been a long time, lying dormant, like a volcano, only to burst straight out of him at some point or another. He doesn't know when that was.

Maybe it was during the bonding moment, which he actually does remember, keeping it somewhere in the dark reaches of his mind where he can't find it again. Or maybe it's when Keith comes back and he's buffer, and completely makes Lance's jaw drop just from the comms alone. Whichever of those it was, Lance knows he's screwed.

He first met Keith really when they were both at the Garrison as preteens, and then, he didn't actually know who he was. All he knew about him was solely based on reputation -- he was jealous of him, because it always seemed so easy for Keith. He could just do whatever he wanted and he would always be bailed out by Shiro. Lance envied that, he wanted it -- he wanted to be that close to Shiro. It seemed like Keith hadn't had to try at all.

Back then he'd only been irritated, so of course he hadn't gotten to know him. Then when Keith dropped out and Lance got his spot, he'd thought he'd finally made it big.

Keith came back and he was saving Shiro, and Lance pounced on that. From then on there was a weird rivalry thing between them, something Lance can't understand now. Maybe he'd felt something for Keith even back then, maybe he had to cover it up. That would take a lot of questioning that he doesn't want to do.

This "rivalry" continues uncontrollably, and it's like Lance can't stop himself. He feels like he can't talk to Keith and just _talk_ to him, like he's not allowed to be vulnerable around another dude. Deep down he knows it's stupid and has no idea why it's Keith in particular and not Hunk or Shiro or anyone else.

It had kind of gone like that until Keith takes over as paladin of the Black Lion, and then, in taking over the Red Lion from him, Lance gets closer to Keith. He doesn't mean to, but maybe he does. Being someone's right hand kind of requires the strengthening of his relationship with that person, and in accepting that the Black Lion chose Keith, Lance can enjoy his time with the Red Lion even more.

But then Shiro comes back, and Lance starts to feel like a seventh wheel again. Of course he loves that Shiro's back and okay, but it throws a wrench in everything about the Lions and the paladins' new roles. They'll have too many paladins for too little lions, and when he thinks about it, there's really no room for him.

Shiro's going to take back the Black Lion for sure, and in that case Keith's going to definitely want to take back the Red Lion -- Lance had seen their relationship, besides, he hasn't been having a very easy time adjusting to the Red Lion's controls. He loves the lion, but it's unpredictable, and really, Keith is the best person for it.

Besides that, Pidge and Hunk are inseparable from their lions, and Allura's grown so much with the Blue Lion in so little time, he can't take that away from her.

So where does that leave him? In the castle with Coran? He doesn't know. In any case, he needs to step down.

This place isn't like back home -- he can't tell his mother or siblings, the people that know him best, all that's been worrying him, because they're not here. Who can he even tell?  
He contemplates telling Coran for a few seconds before it occurs to him that Keith is the actual leader. The responsible, mature thing to do would be to let him know what he's thinking about doing. Pragmatically, it's the best solution.

It's going to be difficult though. He doesn't think he's ever confided anything in Keith. He doesn't even know how he'll react.

The best way is to just suck it up and go to his room.

So the next time they have downtime, he does it. He knocks on Keith's door, right down the hall from his own room.

"Yeah?"

The doors open and Lance steps inside the room. He briefly notices the lack of anything in it besides a bed and a jacket on a peg.

"Hey, man," Lance starts off, and goes on to carefully pick out how to say what he means to say.

"What are you talking about?" Keith asks when he suggests stepping down. Lance doesn't pause to see, but if he had he would have noticed the strain in Keith's voice and the pain in his eyes and genuine confusion as to why Lance wants to leave.

Man, does Keith ever suck at giving advice, though. Like, he sucks hardcore.

He's good at listening, and so Lance feels like he can go on. He's still holding back, but not forcing it.

Keith ends up telling him to just keep focusing on missions, basically not to worry about it. Lance always hates when people say that -- it's stupid and doesn't get rid of his worry. The longer he leaves it, the more he'll worry.

But, like a dumbass, Lance accepts this and makes to leave, but then he turns around and Keith is smiling when he talks next, and Lance smiles back, falling just ever so slightly in love.

Immediately afterwards Keith leaves for the Blades. Therefore, Lance's only support system also leaves. So he guesses the paladin sitch is resolved, but he's bitter.

His bitterness toward Keith for leaving the team starts to grow, for reasons he doesn't know. At first they're petty -- he was angry because Keith ruined the Voltron Show (back before Shiro took back the Black Lion), or something stupid like that, something like an easy excuse rather than what he was feeling. Truthfully, he's hurt and alone after Keith leaves. He feels betrayed in a sense, too.

Like Keith was the only one he could actually talk to. He knows he can talk to Hunk, and he can probably trust anyone else on the ship too -- goodness knows Coran likes him -- but his attachment to Keith is weird. It feels weird to him.

He doesn't think about it, even though it sort of eats at him. Well, he _tries_ not to think about it. It is sort of always there in the back of his mind, and he knows that if he lets himself touch it, he won't be able to stop thinking about it.

It seems that, while Keith is gone, everything starts to go wrong.

First of all, Shiro starts acting weird -- he yells at people and says he doesn't feel like himself, which worries Lance, although he doesn't know how to help. It's horrible, but he figures at some point that it's just the PTSD of everything that's happened to Shiro. Putting a name to it makes him less afraid of it, despite the fact that he knows somewhere he's totally wrong.

And then Allura and Lotor start getting cozy, and it kills Lance inside to think that the reason she's into Lotor and not him is because he might not be worth it. Not only does it hurt because he actually loves her, but it's also a blow to his self-esteem. He doesn't blame her though, not at all. That's the weird thing about love -- you never blame the other person for anything. It's like you can't.

He doesn't know how all this stuff would play out if Keith were here, truly. But he feels like he'd feel a hell of a lot better if he had someone to maybe talk to.

He ends up going to the mice, who fall asleep while he's pouring his heart out. It's not a big deal really, but Lance does cry in his room later, because they're his last and best resort, and he's more angry at himself for letting himself get isolated like this.

He still tries to get close to Allura for some reason, because it's hard to let go of her so soon and he's always been pretty stubborn. Right now he hates that about himself. It's cheesy and cliché, but he really feels like he's on the outside looking in.

Somehow this all contributes to his bitterness about Keith being gone.

The shock that invades his body when Keith answers the call looking all… different… is instant and giant. Everyone's asking questions about his wellbeing and what's going on and everything else, but the only thing on Lance's mind is how much bigger he is. He wonders why this is. Why can't he get over this? It's almost funny, the situation is so serious, but then there's him, acting weird.

"Does he look… bigger to you guys?" he asks, and he can't believe he's asking it. What kind of stupid question is that? But he keeps going.  
"He's bigger, right?"

They all ignore him, of course, something he both expected and is somewhat glad for. Fading into the background has its perks -- sometimes.

The next time he sees Keith is over the comms again, in the middle of a hard conversation with Allura that kind of leaves him broken, but not in an unexpected way. He knew he'd have to do this eventually. It's like he threw himself off the cliff a while ago and he's only just hit the ground, but he knew the whole time it was going to happen. He'd already decided he doesn't remember when that he'll have to put away his feelings for her and just be her friend. During that talk she'd needed a friend, so he reassures her in a friendly, serious way.

Then she hugs him, and though his heart races out of his chest, he's sad, and so he just puts his arms carefully around her and hugs back with a fraction of the enthusiasm he might've once had.

While they're hugging Keith appears on the screen. They quickly pull apart and both face him, and the grin that appears on Lance's face surprises him. "Keith! You're okay!" he's exclaiming, like some kind of sap. It's weird. But he can't help it. He's relieved Keith's alright. His emotions are out of control. He went from being on the verge of crying on Allura's shoulder to positively beaming because of Keith. It settles strangely in his gut so he doesn't dwell on it.

Then Keith shows up in person, and he's somehow even bigger in front of Lance's eyes. Instead of taking the time to greet everyone again, Keith seems completely bent on taking down Lotor, which annoys Lance more than he can even express. He tries briefly and weakly to get through to him and surprises himself with what he says, (" _grizzled_ "?) but just like everyone else, Keith brushes him off and ignores him, basically. On top of everyone else doing it, this hurts.

So he shuts up pretty much until Shiro's revival.

But then, when they're moving everything out of the castleship, something occurs to him.

He thinks about how empty Keith's room had been when he'd gone to talk to him that time, how he pretty much has nothing except for his jacket and his fingerless gloves. He hasn't seen Keith wearing his gloves -- some part of him wonders incessantly whether he actually has them or not.

Curiosity wins out, and Lance slips away after he's packed all his things to the familiar hallway of the paladins' rooms. Like automatic doors, Keith's doors slide open for Lance, and so he easily walks inside. As he'd expected, the room is just as empty, if not emptier, than it had been the last time. It honestly looks like Keith hasn't been here since before he left for the Blades.

When he sees the fingerless gloves on his bed and the jacket still on its peg, Lance knows he hasn't been here since then.

So without thinking he grabs the gloves and pockets them, and then shoulders the jacket, and somewhat afraid of being caught, he leaves Keith's room.

Afterwards, things are ok. They're alright. He just notices little things.

He notices that Keith's muscles shrink when he puts on the paladin armour, and that he's acting different around Lance. Different like he's more closed off, and it feels sort of like the thing they'd established before Keith left has gone cold or stale. Still, he doesn't dwell on it because he doesn't want to, even though it does sort of get to him.

The first change in himself that he notices is when Keith tells him to keep the team together before he starts off to go after Acxa, who Lance personally believes hasn't actually come over to the good side. It's ironic that Keith tells him to keep the team together, when the whole team includes Keith.

He doesn't even really tell Lance where he's going, which is why he ends up asking, turning to Keith as he's trying to leave, like he can do with just shouting the words over his shoulder and Lance will be cool with it. The thing is, he used to be. A while back, Lance would probably have been happy to see Keith leave.

But now, today, he can't.

"Acxa saved our skins," Keith says, and he doesn't so much say it as throw it at him. "I'm not leaving her behind."

Lance can't stop him from leaving, so he doesn't, even though what he really wants to do is slap Keith upside the head and make him realize what he's actually doing.

But yeah, he leads the group away, like a good second-in-command, tries not to let himself think too much. Why should he be worrying, anyway? They all do things like this all the time, and mostly they all come out fine. Heck, Lance has done way more dangerous things in Voltron.

And even if that bitch Acxa is into him --

That thought stops dead in its tracks. He can't think that. What does he even care if Acxa is into Keith? Let her be. It doesn't affect him. Let Keith be into Acxa. Whatever.

Though, when he thinks of that, it disgusts him.

\--

Turns out the game show thing was collectively dreamed up by everyone. Realizing that everyone witnessed it and it wasn't just Lance, pangs of panic start to rage in his heart.

He thinks back to the beginning, when he'd watched Keith draw hopelessly, and smiles at the thought that the banter is back, somewhat so. He'd be afraid to lose it again.

But then, what was he even thinking, picking Keith to leave and calling him "the future"? It had kind of been a spur of the moment type thing, like he couldn't have controlled it if he'd tried, and besides, he does feel that way. In a certain sense.

Yeah, he likes Keith.

And it's not a shock to realize this. It's kind of a relief, really. And an annoyance. But not a shock.

He's annoyed he didn't think of this earlier, but also he's annoyed because this is probably the worst time for these feelings to happen. Keith is pushing him away, he probably hates him, and Lance doesn't even know why.

He decides to push it all to the back of his mind for now. He'll deal with it when they're not fighting everything in the universe.

But that isn't to say he doesn't still notice the little things. Like, Keith's pushing him away, but he still respects him and puts him in charge of things. Lance notices how Keith trusts him over anyone else to lead the team, and how he doesn't necessary make him feel like he's a seventh wheel. He appreciates this, truly.

And then he kind of jeopardizes it when they're space mad. The truth comes out too fast for him to control it and Keith's insulting Allura's dad and he's just so tired, so dead, that he tells him to leave, like the Loner he is. He's hurt, too, and it's true. Immediately afterwards he's glad Hunk stops Keith from actually leaving, surprised Keith doesn't snap and throw a well-aimed insult back, instead trying to fly away further into space.

Then they end up in hospital and around the third day, Lance can't stay in bed anymore. He starts to get up and move around and after awhile, he meets up with the others. The Garrison produces new, cooler outfits for them in their colours, and they're loose and feel nice when he puts on the button-up shirt and pants.

"I have to say," he says when they're all together, in their suits, "I like these a lot better than the Garrison uniforms."

After awhile everyone leaves and so does Lance -- but then he pauses outside in the hallway and hesitates. Putting a hand in his pocket he pulls out the fingerless gloves, which for some reason he'd stowed in there. He looks at them for awhile before sighing and stuffing them behind his back and walking back into the room. At some point he's gotta give these back, and it should be now or else he'll never do it.

"Lance? What's going on?" Keith asks right away, turning to him.

Lance feels stupid all of a sudden. A stupid grin comes over his face and he can't help it. "I, uh, I kept something when the castleship went down." he says, and he can't really look at Keith.

"Okay, good for you?"

Lance frowns. He wants to snap back, just get in his face and confront him. He could say, _"Hey, buddy, these are your gloves, so don't push it."_ or _"I didn't have to get your stupid gloves, but I did, so a thank you might be in order."_ , and he thinks it runs deeper than this so all he says is, "Yeah. Well, the thing I kept wasn't mine, so."

"You stole it?" Keith asks, his eyes going slightly wide.  
  
"No!" Lance snaps, and he's given up. "I just, well -- here."  
He thrusts his hand out, and when he unfurls his fingers, Keith gets to see the stupid gloves.

"My… gloves? You kept them?" he says, and takes them back, putting them on.

"Yeah, well. You weren't going to, and I figured they were important to you, so I swiped them."  
Lance smiles then, and it's a soft, sappy smile, so he adds a snarky, "You're welcome."

"Thanks." Keith says, and there's a smile on his face too, and then Lance thinks of something else.

"Oh, and --"  
He pauses. "Sorry about what I said to you, when we were space mad. I, uhm, I was just mad."

It's so hard for him to say, especially considering he's kind of lying. He wasn't just space mad -- it was all candid -- but he can't say that. What's Keith supposed to say to that?

Keith nods. "Space mad," he adds.

Lance just nods back. "Yeah. Space mad."

And things are temporarily okay between them.

\--

Lance wants to kiss Keith all throughout all their battles and everything. There's nothing he wants more than a mid-battle kiss, for Keith to fist a hand in Lance's shirt (let him dream) and kiss him, one of those confession kisses. He wants to be kissed forcefully, hard and fast and with tongue and everything.

So he's truly gotten the heck over Allura.

But that's another thing that's weird and just doesn't sit well -- she's acting like she has a crush on him the whole time. Like, what, she doesn't like him before and now she does? Lance suspects it's because of the whole biz with Lotor, so he doesn't say anything to her about it, hoping it will pass.

It kind of does, only because Lotor comes back.

That's a long story, and besides, this one is about Lance.

They all make it through to see five new cadets take over their roles as paladins, and seeing Keith interacting with them all makes Lance want to kiss him with such a powerful urge that he almost does.

No, they finally get to kiss years later, after Shiro's marriage to some teacher Garrison guy (though, in Lance's opinion, it should have been Adam).

Lance follows Keith outside during the reception and pries. It's what he does best. And he can feel the buildup to it, like he knows it's gonna happen.

Keith says that he'd thought Allura was with him, and he nearly laughs. So that's why he's been distant. The funny thing is, Lance had thought the same thing of Keith and Acxa for a bit. It had taken him a year before he found out they're actuallly cousins, and that Keith is only partial to men.

And then Keith tells him he loves him, and all of Lance's cares go out the window. He grabs Keith's good white jacket and pulls him in, kissing him briefly on the mouth and hearing the wet noise when they come apart. When he opens his eyes Keith is looking at him and his pupils are blown, he's breathing hard, there's lust on his face. Lance can't stop himself from moaning when Keith grips his waist and pulls him back in, and then they're frenching and groping each other and Keith shoves him against a wall. Lance tilts his head back, his arms around Keith's collar, and gasps when Keith's lips hit his neck.

"So does this mean you like me?" Keith asks as he's biting his way down Lance's neck, humming and pinning Lance to the wall. His hands are like hot ice through Lance clothes and he wants to be rid of those all of a sudden. He wants Keith to _really_ touch him, and the thought excites him.

"Keith, man," Lance blusters, on the verge of moaning again, "I love you."

And he totally, completely, utterly means it with his whole heart and soul.

Keith returns his attention to Lance lips lightning fast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are! Gosh, I love these boys :)

**Author's Note:**

> Might definitely clean this up later but I had to post my dramatic ramblings. Man, I love me some Klance.
> 
> EDIT: thinking of making a chapter two with Lance's perspective!!


End file.
